Story Telling: Exploring Healing through Ecstatic Dance and Movement

Announcing a New Class at Carioca Bowls!

I'm thrilled to have the opportunity to offer more Kundalini Yoga to the Portland community. I will be teaching a new class at Carioca Bowls (near 8th and Alberta). Start your weekend off right with some yoga and plenty of time to enjoy the rest of your day.  This space is very sweet and rich in history.  All yoga offerings are by donation.

Saturdays: 

8:30am- 10:00am

Carioca Bowls

827 NE Alberta Street

Portland, OR 97211 

(entrance located on side of building)

Pricing:  By Donation

see www.cariocabowls.com for more information

Importance of Self Care

I thought I'd share this video I took about a week ago when it was sunny and beautiful. It's now been raining for 3 days straight but I'm still shining on the inside.

New Video Blog! Why and How to Wear a Turban

Well this is it! I've come to a new place of exploring my voice.
 I'm officially announcing my first video blog!

Navigating Through Winter: Kidney Health

A few weeks ago I woke up during the Amrit Vela with excruciating right lower back pain accompanied by relentless vomiting. With every hour the pain got worse. One acupuncture appointment visit followed by urgent care, and then finally a visit to the hospital 72 hours later revealed that I had a small kidney stone ready to be released. Looking back, I give credit to my acupuncturist, who is also my Zero Balancing teacher, for guiding the movement of the stone in addition to my dear friends who took care of me. Now that the trauma and story associated with the event has cleared along with the kidney stone, I've been taking the time to reflect on how and why this healing opportunity presented itself to me.

Your Lifeline: The Kidneys

This healing crisis gave me an opportunity to do extensive research about the kidneys. What was interesting is that I didn't have to go far since I had all the information available through textbooks and lecture notes from my Kundalini Yoga therapy training module earlier this year.

The kidneys are more fundamentally important than one might think. With the winter season being in full swing, we are well into the water element which is associated directly with kidney energy. The kidneys are also associated with bone, teeth, and bone marrow. This could be one reason why kidney energy is very low with people who have osteoporosis. Low kidney energy is also directly related to back and knee pain. If you're not convinced yet about how important kidneys are by now then take a look at the lungs. The kidney meridian ends in the lungs. It grasps Qi by pulling and directing the energy down. This occurs when we take a deep breath. Here lies the fundamental importance of yoga, the breath. That's why pranyama techniques direct the breath.

Ever wonder why there are so many postures, kriyas, and meditations that focus on the kidney? Well this is why. The kidneys store the Will. Like all organs, the kidneys have both a yin and yang polarity. In the book, “The Web that Has No Weaver”, the author states the Yin Will is mysterious, subtle, and noticed in stillness. The book also states, “It is the recognition that the deepest force requires no effort.” (p. 86). I'll talk more about my own experience of this later in this blog entry.

The kidneys also store the “Jing”, the Essence of life, according to Chinese medicine. The Jing contains your genetic imprint of who you are. It is also manifests in the material world via the sexual organs. The sexual organs are located in the second chakra, which is guided by the water element. The Ojas is located within the cerebrospinal fluid and determines the caliber or level of Consciousness for an individual. As many of you know, the nadis (or energetic meridian centers) vibrate at the correct frequency/rhythm when sound is applied. Everything is moving at some kind of sound vibration. When there is a correct frequency of the nadis then the Ojas is changed.

From an emotional viewpoint the kidneys are associated with the positive aspects of motivation, creativity, and living our dreams (starting from thought to physical manifestation). The kidneys bring meaning to the cliché of “finding yourself”. On the opposite polarity, the kidneys are also associated with fear, timidity, and fearful/traumatic events like war or violence. That is why healing of the kidneys is imperative for a balanced life. A Course in Miracles states, “All healing is essentially the release of fear” (p. 23). Perhaps this is why that most spiritual practices have a commonality in that anything that is not love is fear.

Why My Kidneys Were Talking To Me

The body, mind, and soul are undeniably interconnected. Disease and injury is nothing but “dis-ease” in the body. It's a cry out from the soul or mind for healing causing a physical manifestation. My kidneys had some not-so subtle messages, though. It felt that this experience was an initiation of moving past many of the deepest aspects of fear and darkness I was still holding onto including fear of authority and the unknown. I've been clearing through these fears like a bulldozer.

The ego's need to effectively bulldoze my way through fear was the primary issue. I met up with Hari Nam Singh, a wonderful world traveling teacher and immediate soul brother about a month or so prior to the kidney stone experience. He was stopping through Portland before heading to another far off land, Florida. He said the ultimate yogi is simultaneously completely committed and also fully relaxed. His words stuck with me. Up until that point, I was wholeheartedly dedicated to an extensive Kundalini Yoga practice and meditating daily for the last 3 years. I took weekly classes and was very involved in the community. I know without a doubt I wouldn't be the woman I am today without these tools. The only problem was that I wasn't relaxed through most of it. Up until that point I thought it was the stoic warrior way to cut through all these blockages so courageously. Although I smiled at times through it, was I really enjoying the good and the bad while treating both indifferently? I still am continuing my 1000 day meditation and doing yoga as often as I can, but I am doing it with more ease, grace, and self love than ever before. Even now, my kidneys still give me signals if I do too much. I taught my students to start small and take baby steps, but I wasn't allowing myself the same opportunity even as an intermediate/advanced student. This goes back to always keeping a beginner's mind. I am finally starting to embody the teachings and realize that there are opportunities to push it and cut through blockages relentlessly, but there are also opportunities to rest. This concept of trying too hard not surprisingly leaked into other aspects of my life such as relationships and work.

I feel that there is an important aspect of readiness as well. I know now, without a doubt, I was ready for this initiation, although it may not have felt like it at the time. The Course of Miracles also addresses readiness. It states, “We have already attempted to correct the fundamental error that fear can be mastered, and have emphasized that the only real mastery is through love. Readiness is only the beginning of confidence. You may think this implies that an enormous amount of time is necessary between readiness and mastery, but let me remind you that time and space are under my control” (p. 33). Through this lesson a deeper sense of inner joy and playfulness has resulted. I feel like I am laughing more and enjoying the almost unnoticeable aspects of mundane day to day life more. I'm seeking out opportunities during my day to put in the balanced amount of effort instead of the usual overload. As a result my relationships have blossomed and deepened and work is more fulfilling.

I can't help shedding light on some other coincidences that happened these past few weeks. Just prior to the kidney stone experience I was gifted to hold a copy of the Guru in my home. Very subtle things in my Consciousness have shifted since reading from it daily. Then after the kidney stone passed my intuition guided me to get a copy of the Course in Miracles. Now that I am reading from both I am humbled and in awe at the changes occurring. It seems that every day there is a very specific message that is being transmitted to me every time I read. I feel very blessed to be living as a Sikh yet continuing to develop this strong relationship with Christ. The sense of purpose and clarity is so strong I feel it is beyond dogma or any religion, with this “it” being in the manifestation as Truth. At the same time this is a learning experience and in small steps. It is still quite new and I am continuing to process all these experiences. From what I've been hearing, it seems that many other beings are going through similar initiations and transformational experiences as 2014 comes to an end. I am ecstatic to not only see but experience the change from “I” to “We” as we venture further into the Aquarian Age.

References:

 The Web that Has No Weaver . Kaptchuk, T.J. (2000)

A Course In Miracles. (2007).

Personal lecture notes (May 2014) from Guru Dharam Singh. Kundalini Yoga Therapy Training. (www.i-sky.net)

Courage

Hands joined at the heart.

I lean forward, tension sustained.

The work begins,

Unwinding,

Reorganizing,

Transforming.

My cavity becomes empty.

My thorax sinks deeper into an empty cave.

The purity of silence fills the void.

Neutrality peeks around the corner.

Every cell vibrates with ecstasy as

sound emerges from my lips

the translation is secondary

to the experience of the Guru.

You are the indescribable void.

You are the Revered One.

I feel your eternal embrace of the original womb

when I enter the battleground of thought.

Only in You shall I be courageous enough

to emerge a different woman.

Only in You may I continue to unveil

the warrior you intended.

Only in You may I surrender

to the purpose of who I am.

Only in You may I be able to express it

with unwavering clarity.

My identity lies only in You, One God.

And yet my unique gifts can only

express a small part

of all that you are.

I am christened with the unfailing love

of the Divine.

I am surrounded by memories of

baptism into joy.

The ego crucified.

I am ready for any uncertainty or

confusion to bleed onto the wood,

down to the ash of the earth.

 I am broken down and

brought back to Source.

I surrender to you.

I pray to be illuminated into my birthright.

I shall pick up this sword,

but only through your Grace.

Into One, Within You,

Within Myself. 

I am

Your student.

The Lover, The Loved, The Void.

I notice the contraction and relaxation of my heart happening simultaneously. It's quite remarkable. It feels like being on a swing set in the moonlight. A cool breeze blows past my skin. As I propel myself higher with my legs, I thrust my chest forward. Open Open Open. I am on a brink of something new. During the ascension I experience a sensation of filling up. Then I wince and think, “If only my toes could reach the tip of that leaf on that tree in front of me,” as I extend my legs farther. Before the thought reaches completion, I am brought backwards with as much anticipation that the ascension brought.

The pressure in my belly rises up to my chest. It feels like the moment right before two cells begin to split, ready to create some grand complex organism. The building tension is almost too much to bear. A tickling sensation rides upwards. Although my physical body is going back and as my chest caves inward, I feel the energy being suspended and left behind at that point just where my toes almost touched the leaf. There lies the moment of attachment. I'm leaving that behind now. I tilt my head back and look up at the darkness. A new appreciation for the void that now fills my heart. Yet this void is of not sadness. If anything, it is nothingness. It is a gentle reminder of where I came from in the heavens. I can feel home so close to me, but a spell prevents me from seeing it fully. My angels remind me that I am not to go back there yet. This spirit has a lot to say still. Yet only if my toes could reach the edge of the leaf.

My angel, I sense you sitting in the backseat of my car. I dare not look behind, because I know my eyes will not see and you will disappear just as fast as you came. But my heart feels you. Your legs are probably stretched out, your head resting against the window. I bet you wonder what it's like to feel the shaky suspension through the steering wheel, or the low anxiety one feels when I'm trying to get to the Ross Island bridge during rush hour. You are probably just sitting back there smitten as can be, though. Not a worry to consider, because those things don't even think about existing where you come from. With a flick of your hand, you save me once again from an accident. I look up and slam on my brakes. Another close call. I can sense you shaking your head, because you save me probably 10-20 times a day. You remind me that there's no rush and one can enjoy the ride. So there you are day after day in the backseat enjoying the ride, wishing you were in the drivers seat. What an important job you have. How funny it is that I desire to be you and you desire to be me.

Perhaps you wish to know what it's like to feel the heart beat of a lover as your ear is pressed against her chest.  I am reminded that I am the lover, the loved, and the void. I lay on the grass surrounded by four trees on an unexpected sunny northwest day. The protection of these gentle giants urge me to take off my turban. I let my long black hair uncurl from the bun as it cascades down my shoulders and down my back. I glance at the long streaks of white hair sporadically placed throughout from tip to end. I smile at these tokens of wisdom. I feel completely nurtured as my head nestles into the womb of the earth. I take out my stethoscope from my work bag. How surprised I am to find each beat beautifully played out in a well rehearsed symphony. It has no question of it's place and how it should be used. It never second guesses itself. It feels like it has been taken out of my physical body in all it's beauty, adorned, admired, and even tossed about. Yet it continues to do it's work like nothing ever happened once it is returned. If it by chance occasionally skips a beat in it's perfection, it just picks back up where it left off. I bet my angel wonders what that feels like.

My angel reminds me to return once again to the swing. I scared off some teenage boys as I approached the playground that night. My furry companion kept me company from a distance. He was busy rolling in God knows what. He smelled like a mixture of skunk and poop. At least he enjoyed it. That's how I want to choose to live. I want to enjoy it all, no matter how stinky it gets.

And so my heart continues in this expansion and contraction, both equally enjoyable and yet I ask for more and more as I aim higher. Only the One Beloved understands my experience of this series of suspended moments in  the void, right before the exchange of ascending and descending. Throughout my time on the swing I once again come across an unanswered soulful longing. My soul asks if there will ever be a person that could meet me at this place, right before my toes touch the tip of the leaf. Will he see that he too is the lover, the loved, and the void? Will he be able to find me during the ache-type tingling of my heart when gravity pulls me away? Will he ask for more? Too many times have I been disappointed while ascending higher and higher on this ever changing pendulum only to look back and see the other on his own level of pleasure. No different in distinction of which is better or not, but nonetheless it's a different viewpoint. The longing to hold hands while on the swing, to not worry that my arm will be broken off or one/both of us will lose grip. I wish to receive the wisdom of timing, never ending patience, and dedication to hold on. I long to hold tight enough to stay at a similar pace as him, but loose enough where we can enjoy the fulfillment on our own.

My toes don't quite reach the tip of the leaf on the tree in front of me, but the steady light emanating from my chest can. I'll be satisfied with that.