Appreciating the Importance of Rest

Tis the season where I find a lot of sleepy eyes and low vibrations amongst those in my neighborhood. I don't know why I should be surprised considering it's right after Christmas. All of the chaos and frenetic energies of the season are starting to dissipate. We can finally relax. I'm sure in the subtle and not so subtle ways you were able to feel the excited, festive, choatic, or restless energies of the season even if you had a quiet and relaxing holiday. Perhaps you celebrate Christmas or you were just happy to have a day off work. Either way, I hope you were reminded of all that supports you and gives you rich nourishment in your life. I had an unexpected holiday, but it brought me great gratitude to remember to take time to rest.

It was about time that I got some much needed solitude and reflection. I knew this Christmas would already be different in that I was needing to reflect on the many things unfolding in my life. After I suddenly found myself nursing a bad cold, I wanted to take my request for solitude back. I was quite surprised since it was over a year since I had been sick like this. As I laid on my futon watching one Christmas movie after another while coughing incessantly, I started to realize the lesson for me on this holy day was perfect. Little snippets of this inner voice saying, “rest, rest, rest”, popped up frequently over the last few months but I must have ignored it more than listened to the warnings. This time of reconditioning has given me the opportunity to meditate on why we need to rest and how we can do it more effectively and consciously.

The Biological Need to Rest

There is a biological need for relaxation in our lives. Our nervous system is composed of the peripheral nervous system (PNS) and the central nervous system (CNS). The CNS consists of the brain in spinal cord. The PNS which consists of the autonomic nervous system (ANS). This branches into the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system. Our sympathetic nervous system in essence can be viewed as the “doer”. It's the system that puts our bodies in flight or fight mode. These sympathetic actions were innately designed to keep us out of danger. It controls vital functions like raising blood pressure, heart rate, and respiratory rates. However, our parasympathetic nervous system is important to bring our bodies back into homeostasis, or normal resting levels. Without our parasympathetic nervous system we would be running around like we're crazy all the time. Some parts of our bodies shut down so others can work even harder to keep us alive. On a much smaller scale, this isn't much different than most people's lives. We are constantly being propelled into a state of “go go go”. Our culture has conditioned us to always be doing something and this state of mind is becoming more of a habit than a choice with each passing day.

Instead of blaming our society, I'd rather focus on choosing how I can relate to society, my community, and responsibilities without the need of activating my sympathetic nervous system so much. That's why there's something called relaxation. The parasympathetic nervous system promotes us to go into a healthy relaxation state. For most people, the parasympathetic nervous system is weak. Just as all forces need an equal and opposite reaction, we need to be relaxing in order to counter balance the activity of our lives. From a yogic perspective the brief periods in between the postures and the deep relaxation (shavasana) are perhaps the most important parts of any Kundalini Yoga class. Deep relaxation is the time where one has done the work that is required and the rest is left to integrate throughout the body, mind, and soul. It is the space where the concept of, “let go and let God”, takes place. This lead me to contemplate all the ways in which I still need to let go and let God take over my life.

Resting does not mean you are Lazy

Being Lazy does not mean you are Resting

When a yogi is in a deep relaxation state, he/she is in a very alert or mindful place. When I am in deep relaxation I feel like I am in a place where time doesn't exist, yet at the same time I am very aware of my surrounding environment. I feel melted into the earth yet supported like I am resting in a hammock. It's the place where I hover right before falling asleep. I feel like I am gently captivated in a world that rests in between the world of contrasts, a place of zero. If I am engaged in any thoughts, then it is difficult to be in this place of surrendering.

However, some of us aren't able to take a full 15 minute mid day shavasana let alone a 90 minute nap. So I wonder in what other ways we as individuals and as a collective whole can take time in our days for mindful relaxation. More importantly, when we are “relaxing” is it just zoning out into habits or consciously being in the present moment during our down time? This propels me to think of how I value my time when I am at work, with friends, and in solitude. As a result, I can enjoy my free time more authentically and therefore value my time when I am being of service to others. Here are two questions that I continue to ask myself in regards to this free time phenomenon.

How much time of relaxation to do I even allow for myself each day?

This is where many of us, including myself, have blockages surrounding being lazy. We have children/pets to take care of, work, meals to cook, blogs to write, community service projects, etc.. Soon enough, it's late at night and we feel drained. Yet we accomplished something, right? Wherever we are in life, this is a good time to take a count of just how much time we allow for relaxation in the day. Self compassion and intuition will most assuredly lead us in the right direction in knowing the best times to relax and take action. Life isn't perfect and there will always be those days that are busier than others. Those are the days when I am filled with gratitude for making sure I do at least one thing for myself every day no matter what.

In what ways do I relax?

This was a hard question. Many of us think watching netflix, our favorite tv show, or browsing the internet/facebook are common ways of relaxing. Although there isn't anything inherently wrong with these forms of entertainment, I notice they tend to entertain patterns of behavior and not the need for true relaxation. On the other hand, there are times when you just have to be a human and enjoy these for what they are. Here are some ideas to start out with to bring more balance into when and how we choose to relax...

1. Go to sleep and wake up at the same time every day. At the very least, wake up at relatively the same time each day (with no snooze button action). This helps sustain the body's natural rhythm, especially during the winter months.
2. Know what to eat and how often to eat.
3. Set a timer for how long you need to use the internet, phone, or television.
4. Make a list of 3 things you need to accomplish each day and 3 ways you can mindfully relax each day.
5. Commit to your daily practice. Whether it is yoga, dance, meditation, or another creative outlet try to do it every day for 40 days. It helps to do it at the same time and place each day.
6. Lay down flat on your back to deeply relax for 5, 10, or 15 minutes during your lunch break.
7. Spend at least 15 minutes outside every day, rain or shine without an electronic device.

The first two are particularly important in that when we are rested and have the proper nutrition we are more likely to not only start our day right, but will be able to sustain it while completing daily tasks more efficiently. Ideally there should be more opportunities to relax.

These are all things I try to keep in mind every day. Some days are better than others and sometimes we need more reminding. That's why our bodies are smart enough to tell us to slow down. If there's one simple goal I can give myself for this new year, it would be to never diminish the importance of rest. These opportunities are a choice we must consciously make as they wait only for us to receive them.

So Purkh: Stepping into the Power of the Feminine

Light of Venus

These dark winter months call many of us to turn inward into our womb like nature for deep reflection. For me, the last few months in particular have been very energetically and emotionally charged. Time has seemed to become a blur and also pass very slowly at the same time. I rested in self nourishment on the Winter Solstice integrating the last 40 days of chanting a very powerful mantra, So Purkh, and how mantra has brought immeasurable depth to my personal practice.

Embracing the Gifts of the Shabad Guru

Chanting mantra is quite common in many Kundalini Yoga classes. The specific rhythms and sound current is often what initially attracts beginners to this practice. These mantras are designed specifically to cut through the ego so that one's Truth is unveiled. That is why it is called the Shabad Guru, a special sound that is a teacher. It allows one to unite the personal and Infinite experience of and within one's self. Some feel hesitant to chant initially, due to feeling that it is projecting a certain faith, religion, or belief. However, Yogi Bhajan was very clear in expressing his thoughts on this by saying, “We do not need another religion. We need the experience of a lifestyle or path- a dharma- that creates the spiritual fitness to act believably on our beliefs. The Shabd Guru is a special kind of technology with a unique contribution to develop potentials and handle the problems of the new age-The Aquarian Age....in each person's consciousness it builds the clarity to act with fearless integrity” (p.77, The Aquarian Teacher). I've chanted quite a few mantras since my first discovery of Kundalini Yoga, often finding that no matter how many times I've chanted the same mantra, it reaches a part of my soul in a unique way. The last 40 days in particular have brought insight not only into a new relationship with the the Shabad Guru but the powerful effects it has had on my life and the relationship of myself and with others.

A Personal Reflection of So Purkh

My intention to start chanting So Purkh was very different on the first day compared to the last day. My ego felt empowered knowing that I am this strong woman chanting a Shabd for a very special man in my life. What better way to be of service than through the strength of a woman's connection with the Divine? My focus and dedication would be towards elevating this man's circumstances so he could be prosperous amongst all the transitions he was going through. It would also bring clarity to our relationship and cut through any negativity between us. After one of my teachers, Ramdesh Kaur, strongly suggested that I recite this mantra she said something that left me confused for quite some time. Although I perceived that I was already doing so much, she asked that I ask myself in what ways I need to help him. It was clear that I needed to keep the message close to my heart due to the resistance of receiving these words.

The following days proceeded with not so subtle hints to revisit my behavioral and relationship patterns with men. The ways these patterns were revealed in deeper levels were surprising. Within the first two weeks I soon began to receive much healing of my past through a variety of insights during meditation and also being physically confronted with past relationships that needed karmic healing and completion. These series of serendipitous events were starting to become comical. It didn't take long to notice that my intention for chanting So Purkh needed to be tweaked. Once again, I was learning what it truly meant to be of service to another. As I continued to chant So Purkh I noticed my perception and ideologies embodying the actions of giving and receiving. About half way through my 40 days I noticed my focus transitioning from him towards myself. The small part of me felt selfish for redirecting this focus, especially since there wasn't much externally changing in this man's situation. Nonetheless, I kept doing my part and focused on giving what I could. As resentment and frustration slowly began to build, I noticed that the giving also needed to be equally balanced with receiving. A big part of it was once again healing the blockage of allowing to receiving. I began to understand that having clarity about my own personal needs was important, but it would be of no value if I wasn't open to receiving. Furthermore, I had to ask myself if I was even clear in knowing and expressing those personal needs.

I continued to sit with this lack of clarity only to be confronted with more issues surrounding patience, commitment to myself/others, self worth and self compassion. I soon came to a crossroads where there was nothing to do but surrender to the Divine and Trust the unknown with fearlessness, knowing whatever outcome came to me I would be infinitely supported. The more I tried to work at this Trust thing, the more it became less clear and less tangible.

One morning I was completing my practice and I felt the presence of Yogi Bhajan compassionately holding me yet at the same time telling me to stop feeling sorry for myself. This helped me get out of the trenches of my mind and take action. Within a day or so I came to a better understanding that I must learn to receive by expressing my Truth and be open to all outcomes. On the 38th day everything seemed to consolidate and become more clear. The unknown was still very tangible, but I had a different relationship with it because I opened up to a different relationship with myself. For the first time I was able to express my Truth and my needs with remarkable clarity and ease. I was able to speak what I needed from the voice of my Highest Self. At the same time I felt the most vulnerable than I ever had been with another.

Despite being vulnerable I felt protected and supported knowing that the support originated from within. Although I still had questions about the future in many aspects of my life besides my relationship, they weren't fueled by fear. In the end, I was filled with gratitude not only for the healing I received but the unfolding of the prosperity that was coming into my life throughout the process in many different ways. Through this I also remembered that when I don't think I have enough, I have to be even more thankful for what I already have. The message from my teacher came back to me full circle. In order to be of service to this man and to heal the relationship I have with him, I can only do that through myself. I still may not know the outcome will be, but I do know that when I surrender to my Truth, I am being of compassionate service to another in the highest form. As daylight slowly starts to emerge throughout the remaining winter months, I sit in quiet reflection and gratitude for this Shabad and sharing authentic vulnerability with another so that we may experience a glimpse of the unconditional love of the Divine.

What is my Reality?

My past is not my reality

For who does it serve?

History only trying to repeat

itself over and over again

like a colorless movie

and a plot with no ending.

So I must let go and let God take

care of any unresolved pain that remains

I can feel the fuzzy gray vapors of grief radiating

away from my heart already.

My future is not my reality

for change is inevitable

'What if'

'Only when'

the never ending list

of energy clouded with worry.

I sigh in relief as the realization strikes me that

there is risk

and then more risk
and then more risk

requiring me to give it to the Guru to handle the rest.

For these enormous and simultaneous insignificant happenings

of life are far beyond my comprehension.

I feel a weight lifted from my shoulders as I embrace

the courageous path of the unknown.

I am divinely supported, protected, nourished, and renewed.

All my scheming can be laid to rest.

The soft whisper of silence and Truth as my guide.

My present is not my reality.

For what is the definition of such a word?

The present is just a series of moments

now...

now...

and now...

constantly changing, fluctuating, and transforming

into something I will only know when I get there

if that ever could make sense.

For now I choose to

fearlessly trust when I am fearful,

be more silent so I can listen without an agenda,

and welcome the delicate process of the unknown being revealed.

Listen and Be Silent

The winter days have settled in.

I notice time slowing down as

A low hum vibrates through me

calling me to nestle under

cozy blankets and do absolutely nothing.

I’ve been resisting this nothingness for days now

But the need to “go go go” is dissipating

As I listen to the dull ache in my body

Telling me the reserve is on low

While the need to withdraw within increases.

I let whatever this is flow through me and be

Transformed into the unnamed 

I guess I’ll be a human now.

The Courage to Embrace Infinite Prosperity

Earlier in the year I created a vision board for myself displaying all the ways I wanted prosperity to flow into my life. As I look at it every morning I am in awe at how everything I have been asking for is consistently coming to me in unexpected ways. Needless to say prosperity has been resting cozily upon my heart lately. It's propelled a journey of constantly redefining what prosperity means for me.

Do I really deserve this?

There have been countless times where I have asked the Universe for a specific thing to manifest in my life. However, I have always had the courage to ask for it, but not to fully accept it as my own, until recently. Many of the reasons why I chose to not accept these gifts was from subconscious learned patterns and not taking ownership of the Divinity within. In the end I was left with feelings of unworthiness, guilt, and shame to receive such gifts.

I have often pushed away the very thing that my soul desired to come to me out of fear of it being 'too close for comfort'. One may see this as quite a silly and absurd thing to do, but I am sure it happens more times than expected. In the last two years I have come to realize the greatest gifts that we desire are in fact perfectly designed to push us out of our comfort zones whether it be a new relationship, a change in career, a move, or simply living your daily Truth more authentically. In addition, all the old subconscious patterns are being brought to the surface to be released. That's why I have found it to be very important to bless myself during these uncomfortable moments as patterns that no longer serve me are letting go. Meanwhile, prosperity is rolling in to fill the void.

Transforming Intention into Action

It's one thing to set an intention for something you wish to receive, but it's a whole other thing to put that intention into action. I used to feel that this process was equivalent to working hard. I felt the need to work endless hours physically and energetically to prove to myself, but mostly prove to others, that I had paid my dues in deserving such gifts. Although calling in prosperity isn't a passive movement at all, this could potentially be why we partake in unconscious actions of self sabotage. I'm learning about balancing my efforts to manifest while trusting the Infinite to take care of the rest.

Photo by Sarah Humphrey

I've recently been practicing the Neutral Mind Kriya for Guidance to explore these subtle undertones of 'action' more deeply. This kriya was perfect in helping me realize that when I decide to accept everything that is already mine, my actions come from a place of neutrality instead of the negative or positive mind. Yogi Bhajan stated, “ Saibhung- self illumined, when you are a resource unto yourself, communicating with your own Infinity- needing nothing. The ultimate posture is one of prosperity. The ultimate posture is not of you fulfilling your own requests. The ultimate posture is one asking for that which is yours” (The Aquarian Teacher, p. 101). The negative mind is present to protect us from harm but often also prevents us from embracing the unknown due to past experience. The positive mind always sees the positive aspect of any situation while seeking out opportunities for experience. However, it can often lead us to make compulsive decisions that may not benefit us. When I make decisions from a place of non attachment, also known as the neutral mind, then I can have clarity about what I specifically want and what will benefit my Higher Self. It is in this place where I can take action with a compassionate heart.

Command Myself to Keep Up and Commit

Sometimes I wonder why there isn't a magic genie that appears from a bottle and instantaneously grants me the unrealized prosperity I am seeking. This could be a sign that I need to look more deeply into my shadow self and see what is preventing me from accepting it. Simply recognizing the blockage with self compassion is usually the first step in moving forward for me while maintaining a positive projection. Often times, I have come across life events that have seemed to serve more as a test to see if I have embraced the knowing that I am really ready to accept what I want. Allowing the doubts that arise to pass without judgment is crucial. It's been quite helpful to sustain a more neutral place of receiving prosperity by maintaining a consistent daily practice, regular opportunities to express my creativity (art, dance, music, etc), and being willing to ask for help. Remember that everything that you want you already have. You are asking for something that is already yours. It's only waiting to be deposited into your bank account of Infinity.

The Forest Within

Cascading branches of the willow trees lead me down this path masked in sorrows.
Yet I walk on my heels to be healed
As I enter the forest within.
Eyes tightly shut, open, and adjust only to behold the mystery all around.

Tall sequoias trail both sides of me while looking down upon me with each chosen step.
The natural darkness surrounding me seems to comfort me at the same time.
This forest within has many twists and turns. The mystery never fails to unfold with each step despite the insecurity, fear, and confusion. However, it all leads to the womb place. This magical place of awaits me below the blankets of moss. No questions can arise, because the answers are already in clear view. Oh receive me, Mother, into these roots where I can sigh in relief that I am protected and always cared for.
Through the rustling of the leaves I hear the hawk shout his praises. He reminds me that all is transforming with each passing second. The only way to make my way through these winds of change is to soar above it where all is calm. I can then enjoy the grey clouds and sun all as the same, knowing that this churning and twisting is being presented in my favor.

The forest within is only as deep as I am willing to walk through it. Magic and beauty await me, beckoning me to find playfulness in this almost unbearable game of hide and seek. Was it ever hiding in the first place?

I ask for direct guidance to lead me without misstep through this forest of darkness. Trust and all is well.

Gurdwara

Slowly, walking up the steps to the doorway where my Beloved awaits for me to be united. I take off my flip flops and place them next to a pair of exotic jootis delicately embroidered in gold and red. Next to them lies a pair of simple tennis shoes, worn men’s sandals, and slippers of a child. We come here on this day, setting aside personality, opinion, the worry of our lives. And yet we are all barefoot, naked. Instead of standing in front of a cross, I bow in reverence to another avenue.

Stepping into this simple house as One where the Guru is held. There isn’t much to gawk over. No chairs needed as everyone sits on the floor as equals. No grand cathedral windows, ceilings reaching to the heavens, hand carved wooden statues, golden dipped challaces with fragrances of Frakincense and what not strewn about. None of it is needed for what matters most is right here, sitting next to me. The witnessing of priceless moments called human existence. This being and I close to the Mother. The only expectation is to come with empty hands and an open heart.

I enjoy sitting next to the old wise women. I have no idea of their names, which village they were from, or how they made the long journey here. However, when the grandmother smiles at me like I am am her own, I feel a sense of belonging. The harmonium gets louder with the chanting and vibrations of the room float higher. All I want is this grandmother to wrap me in the comfort of her shawl draped arms. Her feet are well taken care of, but I ponder over the many miles she has travelled in her years. Then in front and to the diagonal right I cautiously glance at a young woman. Her shoulders are slumped forward in reverent prayer as a transparent forest green scarf cascades over her long black hair which hovers just above the ground. Then I see the man holding his little one of no more than two years old. He has such tenderness and patience as she quietly sits in his lap, fidgeting every now and again. Oh how I want to place the image of this man in front of all those of my culture who act so differently. Why do these actions of simple human nature seem so foreign and yet familiar? I am struck in faith of something beyond this human condition that transforms me from darkness to light.

I know not what you say as mantra echoes from your lips. So how is it I can feel the meaning of the sound? With every sound of the chiming bells, every pound of the tabla, and echo of mantra I feel my Lord penetrate my soul. He lifts me beyond mindless troubles so I can finally have the scenic view of the illusion. How much closer than ever do I feel to my Christ’s saving Grace sitting here to the enchanting melodies uniting in the same harmony of One voice. The current of hymns of my Lutheran childhood resonate through my blood. And yet I feel ever so close to you, my Lord. You nourish me in places where hunger cannot exist.

Oh Christ, I open my hands upwards, empty in knowing that none can be created without you. I receive your body in the form of Prashad instead of a wafer. There’s no difference. Your sweet nectar nourishes my soul in ecstacy. This remembrance of your promise to me, always held in your Love. My mind cannot conceptualize the closeness I feel to you as when I was a child, kneeling at your altar, receiving the anointing of oil on my forehead time and time again being reminding of my baptism and confirmation in you. My baptism in action through it’s many forms, this being only one. I sit here in humbled gratitude receiving only glimpses into infinite galaxies of your Love and wisdom. Knowing that this communion is actually one in the same as I received in the Church. This sweet nourishment of your Love reminds me that the Trinity lies within me.

Yet, I now know within the deepest parts of my soul what your teachings truly mean. Beyond human interpretation of stories of the Bible, beyond the limitations of the language, beyond conception of the mind. Perhaps you view me as a radical of another kind. I know that I am already found in the possibility of seeing All in Him. The possibility that war, violence, and slander are no longer needed in this age of interdependence. No more false identities can be played out like pieces on a game board. For I am choosing to step out of the game and see all the perfection in the cardboard box that holds the pieces. I Know deeply as I sit here, in Gurdwara, that all is perfect and good and right. And I choose to be here. My faith in God’s Grace. With you. Always in service.

Kirtan Kriya

    I am seated on my sheep skin with a tall spine. One by one the teachings of the meditation come to me. My voice echoes the tone, “Sa”. All is lost once my thumb meets it's counterpart, Jupiter. In a flash I feel as if I am not sitting, but a friend is sitting next to me, and then another, and another. I begin to connect and feel a subtle support by the thousands of others with me in this moment.
    A dense and palpable fuzzy light radiates from the heavens through my crown. The energy swoops down in a slight L-like shape and exits through my third eye. Each syllable of “Sa Ta Na Ma” formulate from vibration into creation. The passage of light becomes stronger and effortless to maintain. I submit to this present being.
    The mantra seamlessly transitions into a whisper. I feel as if I am walking into a mysterious forest, or seductively whispering into my lover’s ear. A slight smile creeps through my lips, into my cheeks, and unfurls up through my face. Every muscle fiber becomes engaged and alive as if it was for the first time.
    Within a few more minutes the silent void takes precedence. Time seems to slow down. My eye focus drops into a deep abyss of darkness. That place where one is somewhat conscious but drifting slowly, comfortably, and easily into a deep restful state. I continue to hover in this magical place while being fully aware of each moment.
    It's not long before I loose any recognition of where my body begins and ends. Ever so grounded into the earth, yet every cell continues to loose definition. I am formless, I am endless, I am nothing, and yet everything in this experience. I continue to be lost and found with each passing second. At the same time I have no concept of what a second is, what a life is, what a mind is. I can only feel every part of myself merge with the ultimate Lover, my Christ, the Divine . Yet no recognizable face takes formation, for it IS and OF everything.
    I can feel every curve of this feminine form, my beauty and radiance is magnified. No fear of wondering what others would think. No thoughts of “who does she think she is?”. It’s unquestionable, because it just IS, and therefore doesn’t need to be explained.
    My soul begins to radiate into the boundlessness of the room. I notice the orange haze of the sunset through my closed eyelids. Although I cannot see, I can feel the rays gently making its way through the dense clouds and shining upon the left side of my face. The only thought that comes to me is the word, “remember”, quickly followed by rivers of poetry flooding my mind. The merging of this part of my soul, my purpose, my reason for being in this form continues on. Knowing that this is just one small piece that is being unveiled.
    I melt away into the ethers while mentally chanting “Sa Ta Na Ma”. This pure love making of my soul with the Divine continues on. Love that is the umbrella for my experience of Self in sensuality, comfort, support, and fearlessness.
  These moments of grace and wordless understanding continue to build upon one another indefinitely until I am brought back to a soft whisper. By the time I continue to chant out loud thoughts of the smaller self have already returned. My concentration waivers for a moment until I compassionately bring it back into focus again, and again, and again. The coming and goings of consciousness being contained through presence. Gratitude pours through me once the meditation ends. I have no need for an emotional release through tears. There's no need for a grand finale. Just a calm mind and heart united. I open my eyes, the clouds have combined, darkness sets in, the sun has come to rest…but not my soul. It’s still on fire.

The Apple Doesn't Fall Far From the Tree

The fall season in Portland is simply magical. Perhaps I never took the time to notice the specific beauty that fall brings. Then again, maybe it's global warming working it's charm. I choose, however, to focus on the cool air, beaming sun rays, and crystal clear skies of these unusual days. It's also been a much welcomed and calming transition from the summer months for me in many ways. Now is the time of year where opportunities for rest, relaxation, and all the cozy things of fall are sought out.

One of those opportunities came to me recently as a friend and I relished in a day of nourishing the feminine within. A much needed hour soak at the Common Grounds Wellness Center. During the drive back home our eyes were brought to the sight of a large apple shaped balloon in the distance. I should say it was good marketing, since we spontaneously took a pit stop at the Portland Nursery's seasonal apple festival. What a good time we had participating in all the fall festivities while tapping into our inner child beckoning to come out and play.

I gathered a number of delicious apples and pears. Once I got home and started unloading my bag, I came across a luscious bright green apple. I already forgot the name of what type it was, but it didn't matter. It was gorgeous. In reverence for this gift from Mother Earth, I decided to place it on my meditation altar. Perhaps the nourishing green energy emanating from it would bring me some financial prosperity. It wasn't long before I realized I had been meditating in front of this apple for almost a week. Then I thought, “Wow! This apple has got to have some good vibes! I'm going to keep meditating and see what happens.” These thoughts occurred in a subtle way yet frequently enough to bring my awareness to what was really going on. Instead of fighting this resistance to my ego, I indulged a little and pondered the benefits of meditating in front of this delectable fruit. Oh what benefits I would reap in the end of this experiment! It was quite a humorous internal dialogue.

A week passed and it was finally time to taste the richness of the apple. After all, I didn't want it to sit there too long or else it would go bad. The color by this time seemed a little brighter and even more appetizing. I cut the apple into slices and put them delicately on a small plate. What would it taste like? Would it be even sweeter, fulfilling, and nourishing than I expected? I placed the apple in my mouth and chewed very consciously to take objective notice of the taste, as if I had any recall of what it tasted like before I took my first bite.

In one sweet moment of I felt the true essence of this apple. The taste of the surprisingly sour juice on my lips caused my mouth to salivate even more. By the time the second half of the apple got to my mouth, I was feeling the beginnings of satisfaction and fullness. At the same time, I didn't think too much of what was going on, allowing the moment to pass with each bite. It really wasn't a big deal at all. For in the end it was simply and perfectly an apple. It didn't try to be delicious, grand, or delightfully satisfying. The apple didn't indulge in my perceived views of it nor cared to fit those expectations or ideologies. I'm sure if it could think, it wouldn't bother questioning it's purpose as it ripened from the tree branch and fell to the ground. It was what it was. It was an Apple and was probably just fine with being that. This apple was already whole and complete in itself.

Until I bit into it.

The Spiritual Warrior Within

Standing at these gates of initiation
Opening wide to acceptance
Of possibilities
Dreams
Brought into reality
Through the mysteries of imagination

Clear eyes opened wide
In Innocence
To witness healing of another
Getting out of the line of fire
Of my mind

To behold the infiltrating Light within
Magnifying outward from this heart
This body


This mind
This whole
Soul
Asking to be expressed through this mere human form
Longing to be heard
In fullness
Of ourselves
To be held by others

Stand alongside me
In companionship
Of love
In all the harmonious
Tones which combine
To form remembered melodies


I grasp onto this sword of Truth
Unwavering in confidence
Steadfast
Secure
Strong
The sweat of fear slides along my palm
And yet I continue to hold tight
While with the other hand I open in gratitude to receive
Grace
Faith
Integrity


Embodying vulnerability like a child
I choose to no longer hide from myself nor you
Rather let us help each other explore the darkest corners of the closet
Walk on creaky floors without caution
Watch mysterious shadows take shape on the walls instead of closing our eyes


With giddy anticipation to see what’s next.
Will you walk with me, warrior
Onto many ships that will take us
To the adventures of our minds’ heart
Through the undiscovered seas of our souls
Intertwined
In worlds that are undefined.


I only wish to see YOU, to know you
The spiritual warrior of me
And you
And us
Is complete


The fight is over.