My Beloved,
I stand transparent before you. All my holiness, ugliness, worthiness, selfishness is set upon the altar.
The energy of your word crawls up my body from my feet like a serpent. In an instant I recognize the immeasurable totality of your strength. My hands begin to shake. The ego has lost once again. Yet it stirs and flounders helplessly in one last attempt to survive and protect it's existence. I stay steady as your words continue to seduce me while they are echoed by each of the five guardians. My eyes are fixated upon the steal sword as it methodically cuts through water. However, I feel like I am drowning in the thick tar of darkness. I have waited lifetimes for this sweet agony. Then I remember, you are here waiting for me in this abyss. I was never lost. I was never needing to be saved because you were always there waiting. You are so intertwined with me I forgot to see the beauty. Your will is so infused within me I forgot that my will is also yours.
I continue to watch the blade cut me up into pieces. I witness my death like a movie being played out before me. I am the witness to taking my last breath and my first breath at the same time. I have no choice but to surrender to you. If I could only close my eyes in these final moments and complete this earthly journey. I am so close to you. Yet you smile and tell me to stay a little longer. There is work to be done.
Somewhere in the trance the water transformed into your nectar like Christ turning water into wine. It happened so fast I was unaware. Your nectar was placed in my open palms. How forever grateful I am for you being so patient with me to pry these prideful hands open. I taste your sublime sweetness even before it reaches my lips. In this moment you transform into all human senses as one. In this moment I become wed with my Beloved, a romance that started long ago. You are the Lover of lovers.
Then the battle cry is released from the depths of my belly. Fear is transcended through the sound current of my voice as I call to you, “Wahe Guru Ji Ka Khalsa, Wahe Guru Ji Ki Fateh." Lifetimes of wars I've fought are revealed in an instant. An unknown strength is born and the warrior emerges into the light as my eyes continue to be fixated on you. My voice is so loud, fierce, and powerful it startles me. Meanwhile I can feel the support of my fellow warrior saints in the room with each victorious cry.
The next phase begins as each of the five forcefully throw a handful of your nectar into my opened eyes. If anything in my being was not awakened from the dream it is now. I feel the full force of the Miracle take place. The instant you hit my eyes it stuck there for what seemed forever, as if you were making sure I was paying attention. Then each drop of water cascades down my eyes and I feel the curtain of illusion drop. The dream is literally being swept away while I am simultaneously given new sight. In that point of timelessness I stared at you and there was nothing but you and I merged into one. I was both the Creator and the creation. I was the Forgiver and the forgiven. There was no right, wrong, blame, shame, guilt- the only thing that remained in this empty space was the purest form of joy. It is the joy that I felt right before the time of separation from you that never truly occurred. With this joy came an even more powerful battle cry of compassion, victory, liberation, peace, freedom of not just myself but for all. It was the battle cry for Love.
Finally, the Amrit was placed on my crown. I could feel each droplet take it's time as it seeped slowly through my coiled hair. Each drop meticulously took it's place through every hair follicle until it reached the bones of my skull and then dispersed throughout every cell of my body. I can only smile.
Once it has been completed and the final commands have been given, I am presented to the Sangat. Without words I lock eyes with them not as strangers or friends, but as family. The longing to belong is relinquished.
After this re-birthing you do not waste time to send me out into the world to shine amidst adversity. At once I am tested to utilize this gift as an opportunity of expression of your love. For how can we truly appreciate light without the companion of it's shadow.
From here I commit every breath as a meditation, every moment as an opportunity to see grace in graceless moments, security in the unstable, and strength in the weakness. For you are in all. None can exist without the other.
May I set aside my worries, insecurities, and fears only to place them in your care. No worry is too big or small for they are the same in your eyes.
May my seva be not limited to the physical, but more so a state of being embodied through presence and with ease.
May I embrace the darkness more fully so I can be grounded into the Light.
May I trust you. May I trust myself. May I be given the discernment to know what to trust.
May I be practical and realistic rather than dogmatic.
May I embody the gifts of my soul.
May I be flexible yet steady and strong as steal.
May I live with simplicity and yet with prosperity.
May I laugh often.
May I embrace the perfection of my imperfections.
May I be courage.
Lastly, If I am to stumble may I be kind to myself and simply turn my gaze back to you.
Wahe Guru Ji Ka Khalsa Wahe Guru Ji Ki Fateh
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