#Being a Conscious Being in a World of Technology

Photo from: http://www.spiritualitypostures.blogspot.com

Today I was caught up in my usual daily routine of scanning through my facebook news feed.  After witnessing a troubling series of events on facebook, followed by a very full day of simultaneous work and self contemplation, I came to the following conclusion......

I usually write and live a lifestyle on how to be a spiritual warrior in daily life. This means living in full authenticity in every moment. It's a tall order. I strongly feel that no matter how much yoga/meditation/self-reflection/prayer we do on a daily basis, it really is of no use if we cannot incorporate it into our daily lives. Controversial topics discussed on social media like Facebook tug on strings that have the potential to activate our emotions. Events in our internet life and physical life shed light for us to show the best and worst versions of ourselves. Then all of a sudden it is personal. When it is personal then we create beliefs, strong beliefs. Beliefs aren't bad necessarily, they just are. However, when we create beliefs we also create division. When we create division we then birth duality within ourselves and others. The mission of many people on most spiritual paths is to master the world of duality. Sometimes we notice these patterns right away and sometimes we fail miserably. I am not excluded from this cycle whatsoever. My question is, how can we stay true to our identity when we so often have these dual identities through social media? I think our personal lives are so intertwined with our lives of the internet, it's becoming more difficult to decipher when one ends and the other begins.

A Time When Life Was Simple

I recently came across a two part series TED radio (via npr.org) about this same subject matter. The episodes are called, “Screen Time Part 1” and “Screen Time Part 2”. After listening to the two hours of content I was quite inspired about what technology has done for us globally and individually. I was excited to think that I am part of a generation that knows what life was like growing up in an age before cell phones and internet. The Oregon Trail, Mario Bros., and Duck Hunt on blurry screens was the closest thing to technology/entertainment. Otherwise my screen time was limited to watching the series of family friendly tv shows called TGIF on the ABC network or Saturday morning cartoons. As an adult, it's difficult to separate myself from technology and I'm ashamed of it. Generations after me will not be able to conceptualize a life without unlimited access to ipads, cell phones, and internet. After receiving this epiphany, I was also terrified. In one of the episodes a topic on managing our dual lives (of internet and physical form) were presented. Then I realized the power of word is incredible, yet we continuously misuse it and take it for granted, even for those living a spiritual life. The internet is a wonderful tool of expression, yet it gives us a power to express ourselves in a way we normally wouldn't face to face. We rant and complain, yet share our deepest and most vulnerable experiences of growth through social media like Facebook. Social media in many ways helps us feel accepted and loved in a lonely world. It gives us the connection we desire when we feel disconnected from ourselves or the ones we care for whether we know them intimately or not. If we don't like what someone says then we simply change our privacy settings.

Would Your Grandmother Want to See Your Next Post?

Not so long ago I was at a crossroads of deciding how I was going to fully merge my spiritual life with my work life via the world of technology. Would I be ok knowing that present and future employers would most likely google my name and find this information easily? Well they did, but I was also completely open and honest about my passions for yoga and healing beforehand. As a result my employers have embraced my gifts and I am actively merging those worlds. This only could happen if I was in alignment with my identity. The same would happen if they saw my facebook posts. The question is would you want your boss, neighbor, grandmother, or child to see all the posts you put on facebook? How often do we unconsciously 'like' or share a post without seeing the full content? I think of how so many of our young ones/teens have unlimited access to facebook without supervision. I hate to see a child/teen of any age witness more violence in the world through pictures of rape, war, slavery, and any other form of inhumanity. It's not a matter of protecting our children or even ourselves from this negative energy, because we see it all the time! If you are sensitive, you probably can feel it as well without even needing to see these images. I'm not saying social media should only be used to post pictures of kittens, unicorns, fairies, and lolly-pops. The darkness of the world needs to be shared, but consciously. However, it needs to be done so with the strength of warrior. Encompassed in that strength is the grace of our word, sensitivity to others, and action without reactivity. It is a fact that not everyone will like what we share on the internet. It is our choice in how we respond, though. As a result we find ourselves in the difficult situation of choosing to tip-toe around what is ok to post on facebook or throwing caution to the wind. On another note, does it even matter?

 Finding a Better Way to Shed Light on the Darkness

Pope Francis even declared to Congress the other day the dire need for us to respect our differences and live in unity. So why can't we start on Facebook? Perhaps we can bless others, no matter how hurtful others are in their response to our rightful expression of our opinions. Often the lack of communication that occurs between one another is a lack of understanding. We get so caught up in proving that our belief is the right one, we fail to recognize the consequences of how it may hurt others. After all, it is just a facebook post. In the end this is a human matter! Social media is becoming an intertwined blessing and curse. Think of the most intimate moment of your life and ask yourself if you would want it to be shared with hundreds/thousands of others? Of course it is everyone's right to choose that. What if someone had PTSD and saw your post? What if that person is homebound with little personal/physical social support and that trauma got re-activated by seeing your post? Would you actually go out on the streets and support/protest the cause? Are you posting to feel more accepted/heard or can you call/physically meet with a friend instead? These are mere examples of how internet can create connection and separation if we are not more conscious of our dual internet lives. It's incredibly important to educate the public on the reality of life and controversial subjects. When has it gone too far and how can we as a collective whole be more aware of it, though? Before we submit our next facebook picture or post, let us ask ourselves what is the true intention for the post in the first place.

Sat Nam.

The Lover, The Loved, The Void.

I notice the contraction and relaxation of my heart happening simultaneously. It's quite remarkable. It feels like being on a swing set in the moonlight. A cool breeze blows past my skin. As I propel myself higher with my legs, I thrust my chest forward. Open Open Open. I am on a brink of something new. During the ascension I experience a sensation of filling up. Then I wince and think, “If only my toes could reach the tip of that leaf on that tree in front of me,” as I extend my legs farther. Before the thought reaches completion, I am brought backwards with as much anticipation that the ascension brought.

The pressure in my belly rises up to my chest. It feels like the moment right before two cells begin to split, ready to create some grand complex organism. The building tension is almost too much to bear. A tickling sensation rides upwards. Although my physical body is going back and as my chest caves inward, I feel the energy being suspended and left behind at that point just where my toes almost touched the leaf. There lies the moment of attachment. I'm leaving that behind now. I tilt my head back and look up at the darkness. A new appreciation for the void that now fills my heart. Yet this void is of not sadness. If anything, it is nothingness. It is a gentle reminder of where I came from in the heavens. I can feel home so close to me, but a spell prevents me from seeing it fully. My angels remind me that I am not to go back there yet. This spirit has a lot to say still. Yet only if my toes could reach the edge of the leaf.

My angel, I sense you sitting in the backseat of my car. I dare not look behind, because I know my eyes will not see and you will disappear just as fast as you came. But my heart feels you. Your legs are probably stretched out, your head resting against the window. I bet you wonder what it's like to feel the shaky suspension through the steering wheel, or the low anxiety one feels when I'm trying to get to the Ross Island bridge during rush hour. You are probably just sitting back there smitten as can be, though. Not a worry to consider, because those things don't even think about existing where you come from. With a flick of your hand, you save me once again from an accident. I look up and slam on my brakes. Another close call. I can sense you shaking your head, because you save me probably 10-20 times a day. You remind me that there's no rush and one can enjoy the ride. So there you are day after day in the backseat enjoying the ride, wishing you were in the drivers seat. What an important job you have. How funny it is that I desire to be you and you desire to be me.

Perhaps you wish to know what it's like to feel the heart beat of a lover as your ear is pressed against her chest.  I am reminded that I am the lover, the loved, and the void. I lay on the grass surrounded by four trees on an unexpected sunny northwest day. The protection of these gentle giants urge me to take off my turban. I let my long black hair uncurl from the bun as it cascades down my shoulders and down my back. I glance at the long streaks of white hair sporadically placed throughout from tip to end. I smile at these tokens of wisdom. I feel completely nurtured as my head nestles into the womb of the earth. I take out my stethoscope from my work bag. How surprised I am to find each beat beautifully played out in a well rehearsed symphony. It has no question of it's place and how it should be used. It never second guesses itself. It feels like it has been taken out of my physical body in all it's beauty, adorned, admired, and even tossed about. Yet it continues to do it's work like nothing ever happened once it is returned. If it by chance occasionally skips a beat in it's perfection, it just picks back up where it left off. I bet my angel wonders what that feels like.

My angel reminds me to return once again to the swing. I scared off some teenage boys as I approached the playground that night. My furry companion kept me company from a distance. He was busy rolling in God knows what. He smelled like a mixture of skunk and poop. At least he enjoyed it. That's how I want to choose to live. I want to enjoy it all, no matter how stinky it gets.

And so my heart continues in this expansion and contraction, both equally enjoyable and yet I ask for more and more as I aim higher. Only the One Beloved understands my experience of this series of suspended moments in  the void, right before the exchange of ascending and descending. Throughout my time on the swing I once again come across an unanswered soulful longing. My soul asks if there will ever be a person that could meet me at this place, right before my toes touch the tip of the leaf. Will he see that he too is the lover, the loved, and the void? Will he be able to find me during the ache-type tingling of my heart when gravity pulls me away? Will he ask for more? Too many times have I been disappointed while ascending higher and higher on this ever changing pendulum only to look back and see the other on his own level of pleasure. No different in distinction of which is better or not, but nonetheless it's a different viewpoint. The longing to hold hands while on the swing, to not worry that my arm will be broken off or one/both of us will lose grip. I wish to receive the wisdom of timing, never ending patience, and dedication to hold on. I long to hold tight enough to stay at a similar pace as him, but loose enough where we can enjoy the fulfillment on our own.

My toes don't quite reach the tip of the leaf on the tree in front of me, but the steady light emanating from my chest can. I'll be satisfied with that.

The Place Between the Inhale and Exhale

This poem or string of words, has been percolating for some time. It was inspired by a class I recently took with Gurmukh Kaur, yoga therapy training in Los Angeles, recent life events, and wisdom I received from wise counsel. I also thought this was a good to share during this very interesting time in full moon and Mercury in retrograde.

Inhale..Pause...

Reconsider what is to come next

Dangling in this moment of simultaneous purgatory, confusion, and perfection.

Death and rebirth are the same.

The contentment in knowing the prayer has been sent and will be answered on it's own accord.

The pause that renders the audacity to receive gifts once thought not deserved.

The choice to act courageously towards a goal not yet known.

Putting aside the urgency so that we may listen for the silence through the influence of gratitude.

Look how far we have come to be standing in this here and now.

Exhale..Pause

To wait patiently in the pause,

the uncomfortable and unfortunate feelings of the unknown.

Seduction of darkness whispers for me to go deeper.

All must be balanced in the accumulation and the letting go.

This natural cycle is merely doing what it does best to keep all in harmony.

So why do we fight it relentlessly and sigh with disdain when it comes near?

Fear of being alone, of not having this, that, who, what in our life.

Surely it will all come back ten fold, often in a different mold than projected.

The mystery of prosperity hidden in the apana.

In the end a bigger hole to be filled by that which already resides within.

To see beyond the "you" and "I."

The merge into “we” dares not happen on the human's watch.

Only these brave souls are courageous enough to explore this pause,

the transformation from “we” to “all”.

The pause

the test

the block

the ultimate fork in the road.

How silly we are to be afraid of coming to these crossroads.

When this is the opportunity to eliminate polarity of self.

To find out what this experience is about.

To stop hiding from the Truth.

Afraid of seeing something we may not like.

Taking off the rose colored glasses.

For who will be judge but you.

Therefore nothing can be the wrong choice

and all is victorious.

The universe conspiring in our favor.

Let us challenge the elimination of the “you” and “I”.

The weapon of choice is self love

which cannot help but manifest and multiply in itself

only to be radiated in reflection of another.

If we are to be exhausted from this battle,

may we be thrown gracefully into the field of zero plus one.

May the polarities be neutralized.

May we have the courage to embrace the ultimate commitment to ourselves.

So all that is left is the place between the inhale and the exhale.

Pause.

Embracing the Power of Grace in Everyday Life

As my hands remained in prayer pose after we closed the class with the Long Time Sun song, my teacher encouraged me to ask my soul, “What is it that I need to know?” Nothing came to me. I asked once more. While in this space of self reverence, the only word that came to me was GRACE. There was no emotion, no memory, no attachment to the word as it clearly appeared in my consciousness. It was a simple and clear message.

“Do not deny the desire, and do not fulfill the desire if it does not fit your excellence and honor. No desire is desirable if it does not add to your character and grace. What is your strength? Your personal strength as a Teacher is your character. What is your power as a Teacher? The power of a Teacher is grace.” ~Yogi Bhajan

I remember being taught what grace was as a child, but not truly beginning to understand it until the past few years while developing as a teacher and healer. As I am reminded of Yogi Bhajan's words, my personal definition of grace was challenged to be redefined once again. Grace is unconditionally gifted from the Universe so that I can refine my mind and heart to do God's Will. This Will, through the vehicle of grace, allows me to express my unique divinity, purpose,and path. My personal will is to carry the Consciousness of God as a courageous warrior.

Redefining the Self

Lately grace has allowed me to surrender more deeply into fear, jealousy, guilt, and shame. What I mean by surrender is to fully go into these emotions knowing that grace will always be supporting me to pull me out of the hole. It's only my mind that thinks its possible to get stuck in the hole, because it is afraid of accepting and receiving grace and love. However, through grace I am able to shine light into these shadows of self.

I think of all the times when I was so willingly to give, only because I was hesitant to receive. This brings me to assessing my self worth. How much am I worth? This is especially important for me as a teacher. I often think of how can I be of service as a teacher and let students know of their infinite worth, if I am not constantly re-evaluating my own worth. However, if I always fall back on the support and power of grace, then I know my innate personal value. As a child I was constantly challenged to work towards achieving a sense of value for my parents' acceptance and approval. It often took shape in the form of achieving higher education for the wrong reasons. Looking back, I realize that I always was of immeasurable value, but chose to ignore it or simply didn't believe it. These belief systems are what take us out of grace and get us caught in the webs of the mind, allowing untrue stories to be made. That's why it's been important for me to maintain character and authenticity in all that I do.

So what is character? For me, the most important thing about character is being true to my word. Keeping my word has not only challenged me to know what commitments are appropriate for me to make, it has also helped me form healthy boundaries with others. Foremost, it has helped me embrace the knowing that if I can always keep my word, then I can trust myself to make the best decisions for myself. I can then hold myself to a standard of following through on commitments. As a result, others naturally know that they can trust me.

“....and let the self be dropped, and the Teacher rise out of the ashes of it, so we can be what Thy Will is to be.” ~Yogi Bhajan

Grace comes from the heart, not the head. It builds my character by being open to receive compassion and kindness from others, but also myself. I'm always wanting to put 110% of myself into the tasks I commit to and the people I am with. However, it takes a great deal of self compassion to know when to take a step back, re-evaluate the situation, and then take action. Through this I am learning to manage my time better and pace myself throughout even the most mundane and challenging daily tasks. To keep this up, I need a set daily routine as a foundation. Without this I am lost and my whole day feels out of sorts. This is why sadhana has been a huge asset for me, even when I was only able to manage meditating for 3 minutes a day. It gives me a lift off point so I know where I am starting from for that day. Since life happens, there are still times where it seems like pushing the “re-do” button would have been an easier option. However, my sadhana reminds me to always act from a place of zero, of nothingness. When I feel overwhelmed or anxious, I am reminded I can always go to this place where the ego is dropped. This tool allows me the opportunity and choice to access neutrality through my words and actions.

Finding Grace through Movement: Focusing on what is working Right

Everyday I help people realize that grace is available through movement. As clients and I work together, we find how movement can be easy for their own body. Each body is different and therefore expresses itself through movement differently. When the potential for movement is remembered, it is can be expressed through their emotions and feeling of vitality or wellness. When someone has pain his/her sympathetic nervous system works its magic by going into a protective mode. For example, when someone has mid back pain, the shoulders are often contracted forward, the neck translates forward, the chest falls downward, the low back and abdominal muscles get weakened. This compresses the diaphragm and decreases the ability to take full/deep breaths. When the breath is not readily available, the Prana (life force) isn't able to easily flow. Many times pain only surfaces when these patterns of holding are no longer able to support the structure. One may think that this feedback loop is a bad thing, but it's not. Instead, be thankful for these processes, because they hold your structure together, even if it isn't as efficient as hoped for. By seeing the body from a perspective of grace and ease, one can focus on what their body is doing right instead of what it is doing wrong. Then with help he/she can learn ways to strengthen the parasympathetic nervous system so the sympathetic nervous system doesn't have to do as much work. Simple visualizations and movements can be applied to unlearn these patterns of the nervous system. This can be achieved through a variety of tools such as Kundalini Yoga, manual therapy, and somatic movement exericses. Joy and pleasure through movement is once available. This, in turn, is reflected in how we feel about ourselves in relationship to our personal empowerment, environment, emotions, and daily life activities.

Setting an Intention for Growth

Grace, Character, self worth, self reverence, and commitment all continue to challenge me to show up for my mind, body, and soul. Growth for me is continuing to reassess where I've been, where I am going, and where I am at now. Growth pushes me to constantly raise the threshold of my perceived limitations. By doing this I am coming to learn that growth is always temporary. I am constantly learning and unlearning and therefore my ideas of what growth are always fluctuating. Perhaps my ego thinks it is achieving something, but my soul knows it is just remembering where it came from so it can continue to express itself in this human form as best it knows how.