A few weeks ago I woke up during the
Amrit Vela with excruciating right lower back pain accompanied by
relentless vomiting. With every hour the pain got worse. One
acupuncture appointment visit followed by urgent care, and then
finally a visit to the hospital 72 hours later revealed that I had a
small kidney stone ready to be released. Looking back, I give credit
to my acupuncturist, who is also my Zero Balancing teacher, for
guiding the movement of the stone in addition to my dear friends who
took care of me. Now that the trauma and story associated with the
event has cleared along with the kidney stone, I've been taking the
time to reflect on how and why this healing opportunity presented
itself to me.
Your Lifeline: The
Kidneys
This healing
crisis gave me an opportunity to do extensive research about the
kidneys. What was interesting is that I didn't have to go far since I
had all the information available through textbooks and lecture notes
from my Kundalini Yoga therapy training module earlier this year.
The kidneys are
more fundamentally important than one might think. With the winter
season being in full swing, we are well into the water element which
is associated directly with kidney energy. The kidneys are also
associated with bone, teeth, and bone marrow. This could be one
reason why kidney energy is very low with people who have
osteoporosis. Low kidney energy is also directly related to back and
knee pain. If you're not convinced yet about how important kidneys
are by now then take a look at the lungs. The kidney meridian ends in
the lungs. It grasps Qi by pulling and directing the energy down.
This occurs when we take a deep breath. Here lies the fundamental
importance of yoga, the breath. That's why pranyama techniques direct
the breath.
Ever wonder why
there are so many postures, kriyas, and meditations that focus on the
kidney? Well this is why. The kidneys store the Will. Like all
organs, the kidneys have both a yin and yang polarity. In the book,
“The Web that Has No Weaver”, the author states the Yin Will is
mysterious, subtle, and noticed in stillness. The book also states,
“It is the recognition that the deepest force requires no effort.”
(p. 86). I'll talk more about my own experience of this later in this
blog entry.
The kidneys also
store the “Jing”, the Essence of life, according to Chinese
medicine. The Jing contains your
genetic imprint of who you are. It is also manifests in the material
world via the sexual organs. The sexual organs are located in the
second chakra, which is guided by the water element. The Ojas is
located within the cerebrospinal fluid and determines the caliber or
level of Consciousness for an individual. As many of you know, the
nadis (or energetic meridian centers) vibrate at the correct
frequency/rhythm when sound is applied. Everything is moving at some
kind of sound vibration. When there is a correct frequency of the
nadis then the Ojas is changed.
From
an emotional viewpoint the kidneys are associated with the positive
aspects of motivation, creativity, and living our dreams (starting
from thought to physical manifestation). The kidneys bring meaning to
the cliché of “finding yourself”. On the opposite polarity, the
kidneys are also associated with fear, timidity, and
fearful/traumatic events like war or violence. That is why healing
of the kidneys is imperative for a balanced life. A Course in Miracles states, “All healing is essentially the release of fear”
(p. 23). Perhaps this is why that most spiritual practices have a
commonality in that anything that is not love is fear.
Why My Kidneys Were Talking To Me
The
body, mind, and soul are undeniably interconnected. Disease and
injury is nothing but “dis-ease” in the body. It's a cry out from
the soul or mind for healing causing a physical manifestation. My
kidneys had some not-so subtle messages, though. It felt that this
experience was an initiation of moving past many of the deepest
aspects of fear and darkness I was still holding onto including fear
of authority and the unknown. I've been clearing through these fears
like a bulldozer.
The
ego's need to effectively bulldoze my way through fear was the
primary issue. I met up with Hari Nam Singh, a wonderful world
traveling teacher and immediate soul brother about a month or so
prior to the kidney stone experience. He was stopping through
Portland before heading to another far off land, Florida. He said the
ultimate yogi is simultaneously completely committed and also fully
relaxed. His words stuck with me. Up until that point, I was wholeheartedly dedicated to an extensive Kundalini Yoga practice and
meditating daily for the last 3 years. I took weekly classes and was
very involved in the community. I know without a doubt I wouldn't be
the woman I am today without these tools. The only problem was that
I wasn't relaxed through most of it. Up until that point I thought it
was the stoic warrior way to cut through all these blockages so
courageously. Although I smiled at times through it, was I really
enjoying the good and the bad while treating both indifferently? I
still am continuing my 1000 day meditation and doing yoga as often as
I can, but I am doing it with more ease, grace, and self love than
ever before. Even now, my kidneys still give me signals if I do too
much. I taught my students to start small and take baby steps, but I
wasn't allowing myself the same opportunity even as an
intermediate/advanced student. This goes back to always keeping a
beginner's mind. I am finally starting to embody the teachings and
realize that there are opportunities to push it and cut through
blockages relentlessly, but there are also opportunities to rest.
This concept of trying too hard not surprisingly leaked into other
aspects of my life such as relationships and work.
I
feel that there is an important aspect of readiness as well. I know
now, without a doubt, I was ready for this initiation, although it
may not have felt like it at the time. The Course of Miracles also
addresses readiness. It states, “We have already attempted to
correct the fundamental error that fear can be mastered, and have
emphasized that the only real mastery is through love. Readiness is
only the beginning of confidence. You may think this implies that an
enormous amount of time is necessary between readiness and mastery,
but let me remind you that time and space are under my control” (p.
33). Through this lesson a deeper sense of inner joy and playfulness
has resulted. I feel like I am laughing more and enjoying the almost
unnoticeable aspects of mundane day to day life more. I'm seeking out
opportunities during my day to put in the balanced amount of effort
instead of the usual overload. As a result my relationships have
blossomed and deepened and work is more fulfilling.
I
can't help shedding light on some other coincidences that happened
these past few weeks. Just prior to the kidney stone experience I was
gifted to hold a copy of the Guru in my home. Very subtle things in
my Consciousness have shifted since reading from it daily. Then after
the kidney stone passed my intuition guided me to get a copy of the
Course in Miracles. Now that I am reading from both I am humbled and
in awe at the changes occurring. It seems that every day there is a
very specific message that is being transmitted to me every time I
read. I feel very blessed to be living as a Sikh yet continuing to
develop this strong relationship with Christ. The sense of purpose
and clarity is so strong I feel it is beyond dogma or any religion,
with this “it” being in the manifestation as Truth. At the same
time this is a learning experience and in small steps. It is still
quite new and I am continuing to process all these experiences. From
what I've been hearing, it seems that many other beings are going
through similar initiations and transformational experiences as 2014
comes to an end. I am ecstatic to not only see but experience the
change from “I” to “We” as we venture further into the
Aquarian Age.
References:
The Web that Has No Weaver . Kaptchuk, T.J. (2000)
A Course In Miracles. (2007).
Personal lecture notes (May 2014) from Guru Dharam Singh. Kundalini Yoga Therapy Training. (www.i-sky.net)
